I'm in one of my trying-to-forget-about-my-duty moods where all I do is read a book, a manga or watch some anime in the hopes of enjoying what little summer I have left. Serious writing will come back once school begins. The same goes for fanfic-reading. Day by day, I see my inbox fill up with fanfic that I've no plans of reading just yet. Why? Because I don't want to feel down. I don't want to feel as if I'm trying to forget about my writing. I don't want to feel inferior as well, knowing that there are other, better fics out there. I'll read them someday, I promise, but right now, I just want to have some peace.

*sighs* Behind the Mask might get another chapter out of me (or Descent to Madness, depending on the mood) because we'll be doing an Avatar Marathon soon and watching Avatar episodes always make me feel inspired. As for Legacy of the Lion, I'll need some good Independent!Harry fics for that one which means that the only time I'll be updating that fic again is when I've had some time to recuperate from this miserable summer. Lastly, War of the Worlds...I love the fic, and it always makes me laugh, but unless my fleeting muse makes an appearance, it too will be ignored.

That is just about that in terms of fanfic.

See ya next week.~

I just failed. There's like...no words to describe the kind of failure that I feel right now. Aah. I'll probably move on immediately. I guess I just wasn't meant to do this kind of writing during the summer. When school starts, I'll work on 'em again. *sighs* Writing becomes such a task during the summer that it really makes me feel drained everyday.

Ok, here's the thing. I might still work on a chapter or two at some point. The maximum chapters you guys will get out of me for August is probably three. I have to sleep properly some time and there are fics I want to read again. Decent to Madness is almost done, Behind the Mask's chapter fifteen is at eighteen hundred words--no wait, make that two thousand--and War of the Worlds is screaming for some acknowledgment. See? That's three chapters already, waiting to be written. -_-

I seriously need some rest. I've been sleeping late. Waaaay late. Like, 2 AM late. It's really putting a strain in my body. At this rate, all of my hair will turn white before school starts again.

Things I will do for the rest of my pitiful summer:

1) Sleep in. DAMN IT! I don't care if I'm wasting my time! I'll worry about that when I actually have to do something important!

2) Read fanfic! It's been so long since I've revisited the old favorites! It's time to read 'em again!

3) Watch new Anime! I need some inspiration damnit! Loading time bores me to hell though.

4) Finish a game! It's been so long since last I've done that! My skills as a gamer have died!

5) Stop using exclamation marks! They make me feel insane.

So yeah. Screw everything. The big writing can wait 'til school starts again. I'm gonna enjoy the remainder of my summer.

That is...if you don't understand my humor. ^^

( Foamy! Did I mention I'm insane? )

Yeah yeah...I haven't been on in a while. I've been busy. With my sister constantly demanding some help on some game or another and the interest in a new anime, I haven't had time to visit this site. I've yet to read the new chapters...and my Avatar fic is being ignored yet again.

But that isn't the point of this whole post.

So...yeah. Yesterday was my birthday. I'm now sixteen and still as childish as ever. I spent yesterday playing some game on the DS which made me feel like it really wasn't my birthday at all. >_< Oh well...my sister did promise me a shopping spree come Sunday. Muwahahaha. I can't wait to buy books. I'll be able to hold my own copy of Tamora Pierce's books soon! Wahahahaha.

That said, I'm not sure when the next chapter for BTM will be out. Yes, I'm still working on that. I figured, I might as well get it to a spot where I want to leave it before I begin writing my other fics again. I don't want to start forgetting my plans for the fic. Scrambling through one's notes in the hopes of finding non-existant details for one's fic is a nightmare. One that I don't want to happen ever again.

I'm also thinking of rewriting the first few chapters of Behind the Mask. Since it was originally just a one-shot, the first chapters really felt weak in my opinion. If do rewrite it, I'll probably only do until before the Nightmares and Daydreams chapters. The whole thing would probably be a headache to do but I think I can do it given time. I just need someone to tell me whether or not it's a good idea.

As for spin-offs, well...I'm debating that as well. I want to of course explore more of the BTMverse but at the same time, I feel like moving forward. I feel like writing a different set of pairings...I feel like writing a different universe...*sighs* Sometimes I wonder how people can write in so many fandoms and not feel overwhelmed. I mean, if I were to write all this, I would be neglecting my HP, Naruto and FF9 fanfics. It's just sad, you know? Sometimes, I wish I could just clone myself so that I could write on all four fandoms at the same time. >_<

Then again, I think I'd just get my birthday wish wasted if I asked for that.

First of all, the date is taunting me. >_> Since we let this laptop continue on with its Philippines timezone (regardless of the fact that we're living in Canada for more than a year now), it fucks up the date which makes me believe that it's already my birthday. Now that I think about it, I remembered typing about birthdays a year ago which tells me that I have successfully maintained this LJ for a year without even trying to delete it. Yey. Go me.

I really do wish people would read Behind the Mask. I mean, I don't really see any reason to avoid it. Yes, the pairings are weird (not WEIRD weird though...I mean, I haven't tried pairing Bumi and Aang or something) but that's only because I want to try something out of the norm. I mean, I just tried to look for an Ok-ish C2 to scrounge for some Avatar fics and found that a lot of them are either Zutara-based or Kataang-based. I mean honestly, I don't want to read another fic that revolves around either of the pairings (unless it's only mild). Besides, although Azula/Toph is a little bit weird to bear, it's not really the main focus of the story. The first few chapters are just that way because I wanted to establish the relationships they're in and because it was only meant to be a one-shot fic. Later on, it gets better because I'm also trying to write what happens next. I'm trying to write my own version of Season 3.

Granted, there are a lot of OCs in the fic which makes it unappealing I suppose but they're there because I need them there. I don't want to give Piandao the role of being Azula's father. That would just feel highly unlikely in my opinion. So what do I do? Here, Azula, your real father is now an OC. Go knock yourself silly. >_>

And I wasn't aware of any other blind firebenders. (I also don't remember any of the Dai Li agents having a name.)

Maaaan. My head aches. I should really just stop ranting about things I can't even think clearly about.

Read my fic yo! Heck, there's even some mild Aang/Zuko bonding in the latest chapter! (Even if I'm keeping the pairing out of my fic. >:D)

I think, among all of the fandoms I've lurked with so far, the Avatar fandom's shipping is probably the most flexible for me. I only truly abhor a few ships (and no, none of them are canon) none of which are even slash...I think. Anyways, a couple of days ago, I was waving the Toko flag. Now, I like Ty Zula. >_< I don't know why though...but I think it explains why I keep having the craziest dreams about the Aang Gang with various pairings involved.

This is one of the reasons why I love Avatar so much. If the writers of the show could make any kind of ship they throw at you lovable, then I believe they're doing a good job so I'm still a bit unnerved by all that fuss with the I Want This Ship Naow!rants and the They Should Have Done This!rants that seem to be polluting my flist. Wahaha. Of course, I have no complaints because it's only logical that they would be real excited over these kinds of things but seriously? I see no point in it either. Oh well. I've always been weird like that.

If I hadn't picked a novel-length (for me it is!) fic to write, I would have probably written other pairings by now. I guess a lot of pairings just appeal to me. If I ever do get the chance to write more (once I'm not scrambling over imaginary deadlines), I'll probably write these other pairings as well. I won't touch Zutara or Kataang though. Those two are some of the most overused ships ever and I don't think I'll be able to contribute anything especially with my B-rate writing.

*sighs over Ty Zula* You know? They really do look sweet somehow. Maybe once I've finished Behind the Mask, I'll do another Redeemed!Azula. Heck, maybe someday, I can even do a Redeemed!Ozai...but that's stretching it too thin. :P He may have looked almost human those last few eps, but no way in hell am I forgiving him for planning another bloody genocide. He could have used the Earthbenders, Waterbenders and Airbenders for something else...but what does he do instead? Kill them all out of fear. That, is just completely and utterly ridiculous. (Although, now that I think about it...it wasn't really his fault that the airbenders had died. >_> But still!)

I just watched the last four episodes and man, was it epic. I loved the two-hour movie to bits and I can't wait to buy the last DVD so that I can rewatch the whole series! (Which will hopefully help with my writing.)

'Tis done. I have finished chapter fourteen. Tomorrow, once I finish the editing I will post it. Big mucho thanks to Tamora Pierce. Evvy kicks ass. Maybe someday I'll even draw up a chart on Evvy and Toph's similarities. Heck, maybe I'll even write a crossover fic. But right now? I just want to watch the last four episodes...and get some sleep.

(Yes, it's a dull boring entry, ok? I'm tired.)

Oh, and my word count was 6 k. This is indeed, the longest chapter I've ever written. The end.

In which Aang fights the Combustion Man...

I know it's fairly shortish but I don't wanna add more without spoiling anyone.

Just a quick entry about what I've been doing these past two days. Thanks to Tamora Pierce's books which I've actually been alternately reading besides writing Behind the Mask, I've been able to do a lot in two days. My word count has already reached 2600+ words! Normally, it would take me a week to be able to do that kind of progress.

Of course, in those two days, I've also had these extremely large headaches. >_< Damn. Sleeping for me has never been so hard before.

Anyways, because I've recently watched The Firebending Masters, I'm going to have to add another scene or two to the fic which would mean that it would take more of my time. It would also mean that you guys would have to wait a couple more days. In all honesty, if I didn't add that, I would have probably been finished by now.

Oh, and for those of you who don't know, this is a mostly Zuko and Aang centric chapter. It's time you guys find out what actually happened before chapter thirteen. Once that's over, we can go back to Toph and others. X3

In other news, my birthday is less than a week from now. D: I'm turning...sixteen. Man, I feel old.

Good news? Or bad news?

Bad news is, I still haven't made enough progress with Legacy of the Lion. I pretty much know what's going to happen for the next chapter...I just don't have that inspiration right now to want to write more. That's why no one's seen an update from me for days.

Good news? I'm finally going to start writing seriously. (As I type this, I have my fingers crossed. It makes it hard for me to type though.) What am I going to write exactly? Behind the Mask. Yes, you've read right, Mister! I'm going to be starting on the next chapter of BTM as soon as I finish this entry, look at my notes, reread the entire thing, and have some of my reading done. YES. I am finally going to write Behind the Mask again. I'm pretty excited right now, despite the fact that one of the main reasons why I haven't touched BTM for some time now is because I honestly don't know how to approach the next chapter. It's probably the only hole in my otherwise seamless plan.

There's going to be a lot of debating going on for the next few hours (and I probably won't be online then because I'm going to be isolating myself from the rest of the internet world to get some semblance of writing done...) over the chapter but I'm sure I can get through this.

I would also like to take this time to thank Tamora Pierce and her Circle of Magic universe for bringing me enough inspiration to last for days! Hopefully. What can I say? The Circle of Magic universe focuses on ambient magic so we see a different perspective with certain elements, such as fire and earth. There's a bit on water as well...I'm not so certain with air.

What I like about the Circle of Magic series and it's sequel-series the Circle Opens is the fact that it focuses not only on these elements, but on how they help craftsmen with their work, making them unique from normal ordinary everyday workers. We see how magic shapes their craft and makes it much better than others. This led to a lot of ideas that I may or may not use for BTM.

Well, that said, wish me luck! :3

I feel so damned tired. Is it because of the fact that it's twelve-thirty AM? I honestly don't know. Maybe I'm just trying to be cruel to my body again. Yes, I'm a senseless fucktard. Can we get on with our lives now? I'm pretty sure I'm aware of that already.

Spent the whole day yesterday watching Indigo Prophecy on the net. The beginning was absolutely awesome. And then they started talking about multi-colored clans who want to take over the world. Oh joy. Ah well. The graphics were ok, the fight scenes were good eye candy...I didn't have to move a muscle...should I really be complaining?

Today passed by with pretty much the same crapshit. The difference? I read a book this time. I have to admit, I love Tamora Pierce's books. She's created worlds I want to live in. Granted, they aren't perfect...but they make a lot more sense then this...world I'm in right now. Her splendid descriptions will have to do...until I've found a way to magically put myself into one of her worlds. Deciding which world I'd go to is another day's worth of debate to mull over.

(I should really be blaming this day on the Game. But...I spent it with my family...so that at least cleans my conscience a bit.)

Well, I'd better slink off to bed. Maybe tomorrow I can actually get some writing done. At least the chapter is moving forward. No matter how sluggish it looks, crawling pathetically across the screen.

Hopefully, writing Behind the Mask will fare better. Hopefully.

I just realized something today. There's no way that I will ever acquire friends of my own at school. Why? Let's see...my choices are between Loner Girl, Sardonic Genius (and Co.), Insane MSN-bot, and the We-Accept-Everyone group. Sometimes, I wonder how I got through the school year.

Loner Girl is an angsty ass who prefers to (you guessed right) be alone. Although she has "friends," she still carries around this large sign on her forehead that just screams Fuck Off. She might act all friendly at first, but it's just her way of hiding who she is. There's a lot about her that other people don't know about and the only person who can possibly break through the icy barriers that insist on shielding her heart from the rest of the world is a half-turtle hybrid with the patience of a chicken who's about to cross the road and does not want to be roadkill. Why do I know this? I have turtle blood in me. Not only does it take me quite a while to get from point A to point B, I also have just the right amount of stubborness and patience to do just that.

Is it worth my time? Hell no. Why do I keep on insisting? Because my sense of what I feel is right won't let the whole thing go. For all I know, this is all just another construct of my mind and I am delusioning, yet again.

Sardonic Genius (and Co.) are my main pseudo-friends. When I need someone to bug or pingpong insults with, there they are, ready to be used at my disposal. My "feelings" towards them have never been genuine. I just go to them when I need a laugh to brighten my otherwise soggy day or when I'm bored out of my mind.

Now here's the million dollar question: why the hell do I feel so lonely now that I have no means of contacting most of them?

Insane MSN-bot is what I'd like to call Rebecca the taller. She's insane because her...actions at school have never been logical. For example, I couldn't go to Math this one time and afterwards, she came propelling forward, demanding a hug and an explanation. *blinks* The next day, she accuses me of being a stalker. As for the MSN bit? Her language has become so deformed now because of this weird contraption called MSN. Half the things she says need a decoding ring for someone like me (who has a turtle-slow brain) to understand.

It doesn't help that her other friends are just like her. They all just have different body proportions.

Lastly, let's talk about the We-Accept-Everyone Group. I shouldn't really talk badly about them because they've been very kind to me. But let's just face it; if there's one thing I really struggle at, it's being with a group. I'm cool with just a few people but when there are too many to count, it gets kind of awkward. And I don't do awkward very well. I love some of them to bits. Really. But it's hard to make a connection with all of them, especially when they're always so damn sweet to me. I mean, my bitter humor-is-dead-haha personality really can't fit in with such nice and bright people.

So yeah. I'm just not the right shape for this. Heck, they're jigsaw puzzles...and I'm a bloody corkscrew.

I know it's a little bit too late for resolutions. After all, it's what? Six months later? But I need this. Because maybe if I type it down, I might actually keep my promises this time around.

Just got a call from school today. I'm suppose to go there tomorrow. Yikes. If it weren't for the the fact that my father assured me that it was just for an award, I'd be hyperventilating by now. (Although, I'm a bit elated by this piece of news because it might mean seeing my pseudo-friends again. X3 What can I say? I miss them too much.)


Moving on, I spent most of the day playing RO. I know, it's stupid of me...but I needed a bloody distraction. Of course, if you call bashing Orcs, getting mobbed by Zombies and lurking around dungeons a distraction then it would only mean one thing. You don't have a life. What? Angry already? That's why we're different, non-existant person. I at least acknowledge the fact that I have no life. Heck, I even did a con view of the effects of the Internet just so I can tell myself, "Yes, I'm quite aware that the Internet is killing me. Tea?" I liked that speech, by the way. It made my classmates laugh when I presented it in front of the class. Justine still beat me by a bucketful...but only because there's a big difference between trying to act like a class clown and trying to present thought-provoking arguments.

...MUST. GET. SUPERIORITY COMPLEX OUT OF SYSTEM!

There. Much better now. I really hate it when my head tries to get bigger than the rest of my body. Terribly ridiculous if you ask me.

I looked through some bookmarks and hunted down an appropriate wallpaper because the one I have is getting a bit dull. I tried to look for steampunk themes at first but the search was a bit futile. I ended up getting one of those packages again just for the quality. Not that the actual picture stinks.

Where the heck is my sister?! I mean seriously, I want to get some playing done and she's still MIA. *looks around* Well that explains that. She's sleeping. Argh. I should just go.

Ok. I'm still feeling a bit lost and restless but I told myself I'd get things done and that's exactly what I plan to do. The last few months have been hard on me. They've changed me substantially. And I doubt I'm free of whatever hold they have on me. I'm still going through a lot. It's not as bad as others...but it does make it hard for me to do anything I deem...productive.

Here are the list of chapters I will be posting in the order of when I will update them:

1) Legacy of the Lion.

Mostly because I need to touch something familiar. Besides, I need my fix of Harry Potter fics soon. Another reason is that I've already started on this before and it'll probably help if I start on something I already know what's going to happen next.

2) Behind the Mask

I truly love this fic. Truly. But in my mind, this is my epic fic. Not because of its length...but because I have a lot of plans for it. Because every single chapter has to be exact. Because every single chapter needs careful thought. I can't just rush through this fic and right now...I'm still too unstable to write seriously. I figured, after I write Legacy of the Lion, I'd have recovered from the whole crapfest and focus on this without fear of crashing down. Bear with me. Please.

3) War of the Worlds

This has been the fic that's kept me from completely turning insane. I've had wonderful support from people, fellow SI writers, and I truly enjoy writing this fic. It's really funny, has an actual plot...yet still manages to reflect a lot of what's going on in my life. It's probably why the last chapter had been so depressing. Harharhar. It's going to turn for the better soon. I promise.

I have no idea how to approach JCS right now. What with everything that's happened in the manga...it's just really hard to think about JCS right now. I'm not going to abandon the fic. I'm just going to wait for the right time...when things are a little less insane around here.

I'm also considering writing another fanfic. It's still in the thinking stages so you guys don't have to worry. I'm taking this one slow. Unless I find a fic that inspires me to write this...it'll remain an idea in my mind.

Oh, and I'm going to be playing RO again. My sister and her hubby (I still can't say it in my head...D:) both live in Australia and it's one of the few opportunies that we can get together and do something. So yeah. I expect no complaints from you guys. >_>

...It is done. I have finished the watercolor painting, said my speech in front of the class...and even got a twenty out of twenty for that short two-page comic strip we had to do as homework. So why is it that I'm still feeling depressed? Why is it that I have this feeling in my gut that's telling me, "No. I don't want tomorrow to happen." It can't possibly be because we have that final exam for Science. Nope. It's because I'm going to miss school damn it. For the first time in a long time, I actually don't want school to end. I mean, yeah, no more homework, no more tests, no more studying...but I mean, I'm only appreciating my friends now! It's kinda reassuring too to know that when I wake up, I know exactly what I'm going to do. I like how I don't really have to think about my actions. I just have to do my homework, eat some food, take a bath, run for the bus, and do school stuff. It's like...I'm so used to what I'm doing every single day that I don't wanna let go of it yet.

Gosh. I feel so...lifeless. *sighs*

Another thing that's been making my heart flomp with sadness is that...I don't know how to react anymore. I don't know what to expect anymore. She ignores me for two weeks? Fine. I finally talk to her, I am forgiven...all is well. And then for another week she ignores me. Well...I'm not sure if it was one or two...

Anyway, only now have we actually formed any kind of conversation that's more than five sentences. Only now has she suddenly started talking to me again. I'm sort of feeling confused and lost. The story I had written feels...inappropriate now. I mean...it's not that...*sighs* It's just...the story I had written was supposed to say that although she's forgiven me, I still don't know where I stand and if she wants to really let the friendship go...then I'm ok with that. It's going to take a lot longer for me to do it though. And during that time while I struggle to come into terms with the fact that we can't be friends anymore, I'll still leave the offer of friendship open. I'll still treat her as one despite the fact that she doesn't seem inclined to continue it anymore.

And now that she's started talking to me...*buries face against palms* I don't understand mixed signals, ok? I'm the kind of person who views friendship as being something you give unconditionally...something that you give to someone and always be there for that person. She doesn't have to treat me in the same respect...but jeez! At least hand me a damned manual next time! I honestly hate having to go through a load of bull just so that I can freaking understand how these friendship things work.

I spent three hours...three damn hours at school because...*growls and slams head against keyboard* Damn it all. Well look at it this way. I at least painted this creature I had previously drawn on my notebook (and no, you don't get pics...whoever you are.). I at least helped this girl finish her project (some of the mistakes were far from fixable...but hey...I tried my best...ok?). I at least made converstation with her (yes her...). I at least...*coughs*

...my cough is getting worse. I really need to get off the computer. *sighs*

I'm waiting for my favorite forum to load and I...well...mostly I'm really bored. Just read through some comic strips and sadly, I still have no inspiration whatsoever for my Art class. This saddens me. I don't think I can start on my speech for English at this hour (12:00 AM...damn it) so the logical thing would be for me to go to sleep and wake up really early tomorrow and let the Word-Vomit do its wonders. I also have a story to write. >_> And the only reason why I wanted to write it in the first place is so I can do the dedication thing at the very bottom and give it to my...I don't even know if I should use friend anymore because I guess I still don't know where I stand with her. The fact that she spoke to me last Friday ("Where do we put this booklet?" *after a bit of pointless explaining, grabs booklet and shoves it at the front desk before giving her a wry smile*) rekindled my dying hope. Why the hell can't I just let her go?

*looks up at the ceiling and waits for an epiphany*

Aaagh! The page still doesn't want to load! Gaaaaah! *goes into a frustrated rant about the bloody internet*

No. It's not that time of the month again.

*coughs* Jeeez. And here I was thinking I was immune to these kinds of things by now. *clears throat and tries not to cough* Well, the Down for everyone or just me? site tells me that the forum has disappeared off the face of the internet. Damn. What's going to keep me awake now?I could try watercolor painting again...>_> But I might make a mistake on it...especially if I can't even look at the screen straight anymore...Well, there's only one thing left to do. *grabs a bucket of paint and chainsaw* What the heck do I need this for?! *throws them away* I think I've acquired a Bloody Random Syndrome.

Oh yeah, and I met saw one of my classmates a while ago. That was awfully embarrassing. >_< It didn't help at all that she was pretty. *coughs* I have way too many hormones in my body. If someone needs 'em, I'd be happy to donate some. Or better yet, I should just jump off a bloody bridge.

...Did I mention that my humor doesn't like being in the same room as my angst? Yeah well...now you know. *sighs* And I swore I would never angst again. It's pretty depressing, ya know? I'd rather just type up something happy and laughable and...interesting. Yeah! I could be talking about turtles. X3 I love turtles. My teacher said you can grab their backs while they're swimming (the really big ones anyway) and they can drag you around the place. XD Now that's something I want to try. Then I think how awful I'd be on the creatures...I mean...wouldn't they feel angry that someone's decided to grab their shells and act like a freaking freeloader? I certainly would hate that.

I've given up on the site. To hell with it. >_< I need my sleep more than my...D: *opens a new tab and waits for it to load again*

I wonder what time I'll actually fall asleep.

Document1

I stare at the blinking cursor, stretch my arms, crack my knuckles and start typing.

The internet does not like me at 12:30 in the morning. Or is it in the middle of the night?

I blink and scrunch my face in disgust. That does not look like a speech. Damn it.

NOTE: I have to do a speech on how the internet has affected the society and whether or not it is good. I'm doing a con view of it. >_>